Earn Money Online With A Pinoy College Student

In life, you took steps to be the person you are now. It took you years to be the person you are in front of the mirror when you wake up in the morning and the inner aspect of that person is the person the remains inculcated in the minds of the people you are connected to your family and friends.

I do not really know the first step I made using my bipedal foot when I was a baby but one thing is for sure my parents were the happiest parents in the whole wide world during that very instance. Not that I am saying that some parents were not that happy when they see their baby struggle to take that step for the first time but my condition was different. My mother thought I had polio for reasons I still do not know. All I know is that I was sick and that explains everything. Since I'm taking a medical course in college, the topic of my "sickly" childhood was not being talked about maybe because I do not want to ask anymore or maybe I have piles of books to read about the pathophysiology of any sickness.

Now that I have grown up, I realized a step that also seemed so hard to be done. Call me cynical or pessimist but I know everyone who tried to value a person or a relationship, could relate on this thing MOVING ON. Moving on is really the hardest part in every relationship. I always put it in my mind that when you love, you risk. You risk your emotions on either getting hurt or spending the happiest moments in your life. You risk the time you should be with your family and friends just to spend moments with the person dear to you. You risk your priorities that could have been there to make you a better person. But no, you don't have to regret anything. As what I always tell my friends, we have to experience a bit of everything in life for us to be more mature. Maturity does not really come with age. It comes with how you deal with the experiences that you had been through and how you plan to deal with the future experiences that you may or you may not had been through.

There are just two persons involved in the moving on stage or in relationships per se and I am proud and evil to say that I had been in one of them in one way or another. The first is the person who loves more. The second is the person who loves less. I don't mean to generalize but in every relationship, there is always someone who loves more. And the story does not always end up that the one who loves less would realize the value of the one he loves and would turn out to be the one to love more as what was depicted in the movie "If Only."

The reality is that the one who loves more will always be the one working out through thick and thin just to paint a smile in the face of the one he loves. He would cry oceans of tears just to ask for forgiveness on mistakes he did not even do. He would love selflessly. The one who loves less would feel stable and secure with their relationship. They have the greatest tendency to cheat and worse is flirt around because at the end of the day they still have someone to fall back to the person who is waiting for his text, the person who is wanting to be with him, the person who is ignoring the all the pain, the person who is loving him more.

THE PERSON WHO LOVES LESS

It is actually a range. The person who loves less is someone who really just plays around or it could be a person with only a thin line to cross the boundary of being the one who loves more. The good thing is that somehow at one point you tried to stay, tried to love but it did not work. It is also an effort you make to try to bend your standards but no matter how you tried, the feeling can never be nurtured. That is why it is always an easier way out if you try not to get involved with someone if from the start you were already in doubt of the thought of having a relationship.

For some people, learning to love a person as you go along with the relationship works. But for me, it never did (well, for now). Many would try to stay. You can say "I love you," "I miss you" and the worst is "I love you more" if you know that you can never really show it with your actions. You tend to pretend that your relationship is a calm sea so as not to hurt your partner. The fact is you are already standing on a cliff that not even the memories you shared could make you stay. If it is not going to work, if everyday the feeling deteriorates, it is safer to just let go than to let that person get more serious and deeply in love with you. It would just make your lives miserable. It is not being fair to both of you because you both are just depriving yourselves with the chance of getting across with someone who can stay or whom you could love truly. The bottom line is no matter how you put the pieces of the puzzle together, a person who loves less SUCKS! And that includes me.

THE PERSON WHO LOVES MORE

It is really crazy that after a failed relationship you try everything just to forcefully uproot the foundations of the love that you had. It is not because you want the person to be out of your life but just the thought of bringing back the state where your heart was still unoccupied, it eases out the pain. Being bitter is the next scenario. People are vulnerable to think that it's just OK but man, believe me, It is never going to be OK. It will never be ok at that instance. Some might even think of stupid things like, "It is his/her loss," "I hope his/her plane would crash," I wish him/her dead" and you would curse a lot. Believe me, these phrases are not just there to make you escape from the reality but it is a clear diagnosis of acute bitterness modified by rejection and loss. The only medication I can prescribe TIME. Well time does not mean that you have to bend and hug you knees within the confines of your bedroom while listening to the song "Art of letting go" (But I do that and it helps sometimes) and just wait until you would feel better.

What you can do is go out on dates for sometime but never get involved that soon with someone because the chance of experiencing the "breath-taking moments" of loving that person truly is one in a million and you are crazy if you think that you are that one person when you cannot even win in the school raffle where there are only 1000 tickets LOSER! I admit its fun to nurture thoughts of getting involved with someone again but most of the time, it is only there to mask the grief and wound that remains in your heart that is still open and with oozing blood. If that is so, you are just recruiting a new member of the "hurt society."

Face the fact that you can never hold on someone forever. There are times when all things may seem to be perfect and during those times when you are at the height of your emotional stability, the clasps of jealousy, doubt and falling out would come into the picture and slap you with the realization that no matter what effort you do to put the fragments together, you will be left with no option but to give up. Holding on would just prolong the agony.

I hate the after-relationship events, especially if I know I loved the person. The plans I have would seem to be wasted. I always dream of just being a robot and in just a push of a button I could just tell myself to move on. But life was not created to work that way. There would always be an odd feeling when you pass by the places you dined with the person, the places you sat beside the person, the place where you first kissed, the place where you first exchanged "I love you" and most especially the place where everything ended up.

The first few days seems to be the hardest to bear. Seconds would seem years of longing for the feeling to be gone or longing for the person to come back. You try to forget every single memory but no matter how hard you try to get out of that situation, every place, every person and everything would remind you of the person and it is really hard. Sleep would be your greatest comfort for it provides a complete separation of your heart from your mind to give both a haven for rest.

However, the moment your eyes meet the brightness of the next morning would again commence a new journey of holding back the tears. You will again start living a long journey of pretending to be fine when things really are gloomy. You try to be numb to let you through every tick of the clock and hope you would be all blank until the night falls so you could sleep again and forget everything. Some may even wish not to wake up again. Personally, I even hope that I would wake up after a year and that time I know tears would not even roll down my cheeks anymore. That time I know the scar would have healed. But it never would and it never could happen. I would really hate to wake up again the next morning.

There is no easy way out in moving on. If you feel like crying, cry it out loud. If you want to be alone, go to the abyss of every place. If you want to end you life then, it would be the craziest thing you will ever do. Will the person you love care for what you did lets say a year after? A big NO! Everything that would ease out the angst is permissible as long as in the end you would still be complete and most especially, you would be in the state of a better you. That is why you need not to flood all your emotions in every relationship. You always need to leave some love for yourself because that love, no matter how tiny it is, would be the only thing that would make you whole again after being shattered into pieces.

And there came a month or two. You can now smile. Your world is now getting better. You spend more time with your friends, school and your priorities. You can now go to those places that would remind you of your lost love without much "odd feeling." And when you think everything is in place and everything seems to be back to normal, everything would fall back again - the longing, the emotions. Times like these, I always ask myself, "What if I see the person I love most just across the street or if worst, with someone new?" Surely, I will get pale, tongue-tied and just freeze in the corner. One thing is really for sure, I have not really moved on. And not matter how I make my feelings stable again, my scarred heart will just remain to be masked by the fancy smiles and forged bravery that I'm trying to show my outside world.

The moment I am writing this, sad to say, I have not really taken a step.