Earn Money Online With A Pinoy College Student

It was the greatest twist of my life. That time, I don't really believe that love exists anymore never! Although I know how it feels to love and to be loved, I was numb then. I was numb of all the heartaches that I had for the past years of going through the turmoil and clasps of selfishness, lies and false hopes that crushed my heart. Every single piece of my broken heart could never be returned back. I was bitter with myself.

Yes, I was hiding in darkness, all alone with only a lit candle of hope that made me journey my life still. I stayed in that scenario for months, closing my heart to every opportunity that love offers me.

I still watch movies that showed cheesy scenes. I envy them but, during that moment, love was never my priority. I don't want to see myself having sleepless nights again crying over a love that was lost. I don't want to see myself letting go of the promises that were broken.

After all those failed relationships I had, I made a conclusion about love. Love is something rare. It is never or never was fair. It would just leave you helpless, torn and tormented.

It came to a point when I felt my life became normal again. No love, no relationships, literally nothing. After all, I still have my family and friends and I could just let my studies eat up my time.

I don't know how or why, but it is normal for a person to long for love and to imagine having someone whom he can share his life with. As time passed of trying to be single, thoughts of love would always tempt me to fall in its pit again. My hands would always be caught by lovers holding each other's hands while walling inside the mall or lovers cuddling each other in parks and my ears would always hear those mushy messages read over radio stations. Sometimes I would even find myself humming the tune of love songs. It was so ironic to see a broken-hearted person like me to still give second thoughts of love.

Until I met a beautiful archer. I was numb. I was coward. I was helpless. I was alone and dead, but her arrow struck my heart and revived me. My world twisted and I came to find joy and gratitude and I started living with the thoughts of her in my mind.

For days since she came, I was pushing her away. Who knows? Maybe she's just one of those stupid jerks who would just add to the list of those who had hurt me. But it came to a point when even if I was too pessimistic with love, I would still give a space in my mind to entertain the thought that she is different. What if she was an angel from heaven? No! Those stories only happen in fairy tales. This is reality and I don't live with Alice in her so-called Wonderland. So before I would even dream of seeing her next to me, I would already change thoughts.

For days after I met her, I felt her eagerness, her perseverance and her sincerity. Countless missed calls and text messages made a way for her arrow to soften my heart of stone and to leave behind all the bitterness I had for months. We first became friends and I was satisfied with it. But for an unexplainable reason, we ended up in each other's arms.

I love her. That's all I know. That's all I feel now. I don't want to think of tomorrow because tomorrow I might cry. All I want now is to love her more with every second that God gave me.

She assured me of her love, yet, I was afraid. I was afraid that I might not love her the way she wanted to be loved. I was afraid of not being with her. But who knows? Maybe we were destined to lock our fingers till our eyes witness the last rays of sunlight.

Risk is what I did to love again. I believe that loving is risking your happiness and getting ready of being abandoned, hurt and crushed. I had gone through those things during my coward days but the only difference now is that I'm ready to face them again. I am willing to rumble with them and maybe this time, I would win.

I am presently caught up in between love and risk. All I want know is to have a long night of sleep. I want to feel the moon's soft touch to refresh my weary face. After all, I know that when I sleep, I still have her and this feeling of love is still inside of me. As tomorrow comes and the sun gives warmth again to my new day after the night's caress, I hope that she would still be lying in my arms and that I would see the smile that I missed for a night's rest. (7/25/03)